Your ex changed his attitude toward you because he no longer feels smothered. I find it now that may be She only wants to be free from the utter guilt of doing something bad to me as a partner and a person by checking on me. It is probably a mess in your head right now. It should be a well-thought decision whether or not you want to continue being in touch with each other. If you have a partner, think of them as well. By doing earning trust via the conversations you have. I say you should accept the friendship from your ex, and behave no differently than you did when you were in indefinite no contact. In essence, they are using you for emotional support and it makes total sense seeing as how they just went through a breakup. After some back and forth we agreed on these terms. She shares some but she would omit the details of some people, specially guy friend or colleague if she interacts with them. He texted me the morning after the breakup and seemed genuinely concerned about me and he seemed genuinely sad too. This has been debated many times on this board and I have seen it happen to me and my women friends in real life. How can a person kill a relationship in their head by focusing on negative and creating future problems in the head?. She may then begin to think things like, "I really thought that this was the right decision for me, but now I'm not so sure anymore. 1. 1. I tried to solve things with her but she didnt want. When youve got an ex that wants to be friends, the very first step is to figure out exactly what you want deep down. After one fight he said he needed space . Put it this way, if after one year, you are not seeing a progress in the relationship, it is probably time for you to move on. Yes, but it depends on the following: 1. Guilt Can Drive You Towards Being Friends with Your Ex. Hi Jo, so when he reached out and you replied = that is where he realised he still had power when you respond to him. If you want to get back with your ex, you have to believe in getting back together! Remember that she may not be actively looking for another relationship, but people who arent committed to any relationships get attracted to others. I want to be able to communicate. Receiving a text or DM from an ex can trigger some strong feelings. If an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wants to be friends is a good sign if they want to mend the relationship with you. In my head I had to have an internal debate. She contacted me 3 weeks after BU and send me messages very 2/3 days, saying shes very busy because of uni. Itll be strictly physical between you. Getting over a breakup doesn't happen in a day. Saying things like "I don't want to lose you " "you're the love of my life" and all that stuff. Now, some of you may be looking at this scale and wanting a deeper explanation. Hi there My ex is someone who needs a lot of attention and presence and Im someone who shows his affection and care by actions, not words. Because he is getting what he wants with no commitment. If your narcissist ex wants to remain your friend soon after a breakup or even contacts you to establish a friendship years down the road, save yourself the grief and just dont do it. Your Ex Becomes Possessive. I went no contact for 37 days and he texted me two days ago and therefore broke no contact. 3. I met my ex through a mutual friend. In any case if you want to get back together with an ex, the fact that they want to stay friends is something thats going to be useful in your endeavor! Most of the time (99.9%) of the time, dumpers suggest friendship just to soften the blow. Even though she went their things were actually going pretty well between her and me for a month, until she started meeting new people and I started feeling the need for her time, because of which we had arguments and where she ended up breaking up with me, rather she said we may come back in a relationship after her 1-year master or 3-5 years down the line, she further said that she wants to be friends with me and doesnt wanna end up talking. Take your time when it comes to responding. However, the problem can arise if you are having sex . Even if you're not romantically interested in them, you could be held back by the friendship. Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship. In this case, he's letting you down easy - or trying to at least. I call it, the being there method and its something Ive talked a lot about on this website and have even filmed a few videos over it. So I negotiated this, I would be fine starting as her friend but I would want 2-3 weeks of mutual exclusivity. Sometimes exes will want to be friends shortly/right after the breakup. Staying friends with your ex has absolutely no positive benefits. Please leave your comment below. Take care not to over-analyze the situation. Walk Away and Never Look Back. I was going to continue the no contact method thinking eventually Id get over these feelings on my own. So he wants to still be friends and text and hang out and do all the things like before just not have sex. Familiarity is one of the best ways to create and maintain love; studies . I really want him back and cannot stop thinking about him. Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. Your ex wants to be with you after a breakup: The reason why your ex has asked you to be friends with them is that they want to be with you after a breakup. Then proceeded to tell me he wants to just be friends and does not want more than that. Because youve dedicated so much time to this person, and you feel uneasy towards him or her, you believe the friendship you were offered is a steal. You cant talk your way back into a relationship. Your ex is not interested in rekindling the relationship, but they dont want to live with a lingering sourness. Even though you would move mountains and cross deserts to be with your ex one more time, you must allow him or her to start repairing things from the beginning. Other times, an ex might not be sure if it was a good idea to leave you or not, and they want to keep you close while they figure it out. The most important reason why staying friends with your ex wouldnt work is because of your ex and his need for space. She has a background in school psychology and has worked with parents, children, and school teams. Do take note. She did not come for a Round 2 with that in mind. 5. Things like well always be together and stay friends for life if we breakup are irrelevant. So it is the minimum respect. He said that we should hang out sometime, and I should let him know when I was free, but I didnt commit to anything and told him I was busy for the next two weeks. For the first week we talked and hung out but now we dont talk at all. 4. She told me she can feel my love, that she knows I would give her moon if she asks me. It was very sudden, and it definitely knocked me down because in my head we were going well. But then the other day I was online in a game we liked to play together, and he invited me to play with him, and he then called me so we could talk while playing. Unfortunately I didnt do a no contact. Id like to take a quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a moment. Start fresh. Im so conflicted. But I said it first as I felt he was slipping and he was more focused on other things which I fine but I never saw him. Theres nothing you can do right now that will make her see your worth. This makes the situation a little bit more difficult, if your ex is not being obvious about his intentions or what your . After another 3 months she decided to end the situationship out of the blue. Cut him off, live your live and limit his exposure to your life. Sussman also says there are potential downsides to staying friendly with an ex. Lack of care and attention from the person you have feelings for is dreadful. Your coach when your ex wants to be friends. They say something along the lines of I cant be your friend because I still have feelings for you. You need to leave her alone until she becomes afraid, realizes your worth, and comes back. 1. When youre thinking, My ex wants to stay friends what should I do, youre actually not asking the right question. You need to give yourself ample time and space to mourn the end of the relationship. All you have to do is read the testimonies of hundreds of people that get back together with their significant other thanks to all the tools I recommend as well as my eBook on how to make your ex come back. Presumably, she should be strong enough to handle the breakup aftereffects on her own. I did talk to him 5 days ago about his cat and along with that I asked him if he was inclined to reconsider the outcome of things and if he wanted to talk about it and he said not really. His wife died almost a year ago so I know he is wanting to take things slow. What would you advise me to do? We didnt speak for a few months. I was in a LDR and it lasted for about 3 months. She panicked due to anxiety, seasonal depression, advice from friends (tarot cards), and she said she was starting to catch feelings for me which scared her having been burned before in past relationships. They realize the pros. I resigned my job partly because of my ex. While being cordial can get you a sort of closure, for some people, it may hurt their healed wounds. So I unadded him and also to start the no contact. Normally when an ex comes back, he comes back for something. At the time, we were both really stressed and having small arguments, but I thought it was mostly because I was stressed about a certain circumstance. We havent spoken since this phone call (yesterday). So, I let him back in. What do I do?! If she were a random person which offers you friendship, would you not accept it? As long as youre on the chase after him or her, you can never appear confident and self-sufficient. I strongly suggest that you get ready and cut your ex off. The girl he started to date lives 3 or 4 hours from him but he has a house where she is at and said he was just going to travel to see her but wasnt planning on moving back. He will not provide you with the same amount of attention as before when you were in a relationship. Todd Williamson/Bravo via Getty. This is great" you think to yourself. One of the reasons is that they like to share resources and help each other out. He got the space he wanted, so he feels ready to be your friend. Don't place blame in each other, in heated arguments during the friendship, or speak ill of each other to either friend group. 2. I accepted. 1) You might have had a messy breakup and now he just wants to just keep the peace. I told him that the mutual friend was only a colleague to me. If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. They Acknowledge Their Role In The Breakup. This was all right before things went silent. In fact, you deserve all or nothing. Hi Mel you start your No Contact and work on yourself! And then you will have the people who want to remain friends.. I believe thats why we broke up. Security. She left very suddenly two years ago and hasn't seen our teenaged daughters until recently. Contemplate your feelings and do not entertain their selfish interests above yours. Hi Jess, no do not open his snaps it really is not important that you keep your streak You need to go into a NC and stick with it for at least 30 days. Is my best chance to stay in no contact? This time follow a 21 day NC without replying to him if he reaches out in the mean time. He did start to try and treat me more like a friend. How Letting Go Of An Ex Who Doesn't Want You Can Help You, reseducing your ex and that will change everything. Or in that case should I show her that Im here for her ? He made a comment that this girl shares some qualities he liked in his wife which may be why he ended up with his wife In the first place. People are appalled when I say what Im about to say but quite frankly I dont believe there is any other way to look at it. 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